this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
