either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
