you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
