I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
