A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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