I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
