My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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