The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
