Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
