I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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