Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm like, not good at living.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
