So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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