Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
