He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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