I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
