i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
