she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
