I can text with my tongue
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
