I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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