It was confusing and full of hummus
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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