Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
