It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Boobs speak an international language.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
