How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
