I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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