I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
