Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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