I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
