i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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