yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
