I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
