Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
