biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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