Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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