Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
