I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
