they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
