So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
