So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
