The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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