Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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