it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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