tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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