We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
