I'm really into asian looking animals
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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