apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
