I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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