I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
