I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
