if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
