And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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