smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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