I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
