Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
